Stuck: We Need a Will, But Naming a Guardian Is Hard!
Thinking about your death is hard. Thinking about your death when you have minor kids is even harder. Preparing your Last Will and Testament is painstaking work, but it is a huge gift and a great service to your family. This will one day, hopefully many years from now, allow those you love to mourn your passing, celebrate your life and legacy, and handle your affairs in peace with ease. When you have minor children, you are also granting your family a gift by hopefully setting expectations about the order of individuals to serve as your child(ren)’s Guardian.
In your Will, while you have minor children, a Guardian is the person or married couple who serves as the child(ren)’s caretaker if both parents were to pass away. The important part to remember is that it's unlikely a guardian will be needed for your children. It's a rare occurrence for both parents to pass and kids to be cared for by a guardian. Like thorough Boy Scouts, we prepare for everything in the Will so things are covered in an incredibly unlikely scenario.
I have a couple recommendations that may or may not fit depending on the people you're thinking between:
Name as many people (parents, siblings, friends) as you and your spouse can agree upon. This may be siblings in birth order or order of who lives closest. Your Will can name as many people as you wish (a first and a backup are needed, but I've had clients name as many as 5-7 in a specific order).
Be sure to name an individual or couple in a younger generation (so around your age) if you're naming parents or a set or two sets of your parents.
Think about requesting individuals/family who live farther away to relocate, such as within a 15-mile radius of your home at the time of your passing to keep your child(ren) in their same community. If the named individual or couple does not wish to relocate, then the next named guardian would serve. This type of parameter can be established in your will.
Remember that it's unlikely this person will ever serve and, if they do serve, they will have all families supporting them if something does happen. By naming someone, you are gifting your family the ability to support that person/couple and forcing them to respect your wishes and get along in order to best support the child(ren). If you have no Will, all well-meaning family members may try to fight with each other in Court to try to become your child’s Guardian.
Talk to the contemplated individuals with your spouse to make sure they would be willing to serve. When clients are stuck on who to name as guardian, I’ve had clients reach out to their parents only to learn that their parents don’t want to serve and want to stay "Grandma and Grandpa" if something happens to you. This may not always be the case, but it may help in your decision-making.
Schedule a free consultation with me! I’m happy to talk things over with you and your spouse. It’s important to get a Will in place to support your children if, God-forbid, something happens to you while your children are still minors. I do my best to make the decision easier helping you process out loud and share the perspectives, reasoning, and solutions of my many past clients who’ve likely had similar questions and concerns. And this does not need to be decided during the consultation, but getting my input may help you come to a decision more quickly and with less stress.